The phrase: “I can’t afford that.”
How this phrase translates: I am victim of my money. I have no control, power or choice over my finances.
When you make this statement, is it true? Is your bank account empty? Could you have worked extra hours or picked up a side gig to make that purchase happen? If it was an emergency, would you have made it work?
Or are you choosing to spend your money on other things and priorities? Are you unwilling to do what is needed to make that purchase happen?
One example: My husband and I live in the San Francisco Bay Area where the average 2 bedroom house sells for over 1 million dollars. We have a 1.5 year old baby and 2 dogs living in 580 square feet. We would like to have another kid and will need to move to a larger house at some point in the near future but the price tag of homes in our area is terrifying. However, saying we can’t afford a house in this area is not true and disempowers our money mindset. If we sell our current house, cash out the appreciation and make drastic cuts to our lifestyle, we could afford the mortgage. It wouldn’t be pretty but we could do it. We could also move out of the area, if a bigger & more affordable house was our top priority. We choose not to do these things.
What are we doing with our money? What are the priorities? To have a monthly savings account so my husband and I can go on one date night a month. Having a vacation fund because this summer we are going to Iceland for three weeks! Last year we stayed in the U.S. and did something low budget and the year before we had Bailey. So I am going big this summer!!! Funding Bailey’s 529 account (college savings account), our retirement and putting money away for the next house. There is more but these are the priorities. We would like a bigger house but instead of saying we can’t afford it, we say, “it is not the number one priority for us right now.”
Another way of looking at it …
“Here’s where the “woo woo” mindset stuff comes in. Saying over and over that “we can’t afford it” is solidifying in your children’s minds (and your own) that money is scarce. And a scarcity mindset breeds greed and thoughts of “I’ll never have enough.”
In a child’s mind, if there’s never enough money it’s a natural conclusion to think: “I’ll never get new toys and therefore I don’t want to share or give. I need to keep what I have since I won’t be getting anything new anytime soon. And I need to get what I want now whenever I can. Right now.”
But, imagine the alternative for a minute. If a child knows that life is abundant and governed by values and choices rather than impulses and reactive grabs, then it’s easy to be generous and patient. Maybe not easy… but easiER for sure! Scarcity and fear cannot exist in the midst of abundance and gratitude.” Nicole Rule, Greatest Worth (https://www.greatestworth.com/blog/2019/4/17/why-i-stopped-saying-we-cant-afford-it)
When we reframe our money decisions as choices, we move from being victimized by our money to being empowered.
So remove “I can’t afford it” from your vocabulary and replace it with “I could afford that but it is not a priority for me right now.” Or, “I choose not to purchase that item.” Or, “How can I afford that?” Empower your money mindset.
